One of my friends had the privilege of flying delta airlines recently and snagged one of those skymall magazines. You know the ones with the weird products that seem peculiarly essential to life. Well, I would like to share with you a few products that I think receive undue invective (look it up).

First off is a particularly functional item. Have you ever had one of those days where you have to dress up for a long day and can’t go home and change, but you just want to take a quick snooze? Then you need this. It’s the very unique inflatable tie. Yes, inflatable. It inflates like a pool float and provides that extra cushion between your forehead and the desk. Side effects: facial red marks, being the butt of a joke.

I think there’s a major problem in the world. Have you ever noticed the feet of those beautifully tanned people in your life? Yep, they might not be as brown as the rest of their legs. But now, thanks to this foot tanner, all of us can have the perfectly tanned foot.

Sometimes, you just need a pick-me-up. In your attention-starved world, sometimes you just need a little black box to get you feeling good about yourself. But not any little black box, THIS little black box. Choose your style: laughter or applause. Open up the box and you’ll be greeted with a roar of laughter or a standing (standing?) ovation.

Hair is such an important thing, especially that between a man’s nose and lips. Ever wondered what you or your loved one would look like with a mustache? Well step right up to this mirror and align your reflection with one of these three mustache style options. Voila! Save the pain and heartache of growing in that hair just to find out that a mustache makes your head look square.

This last product is my personal favorite. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always dreamed of being a world-renowned rhino hunter. However, I just haven’t been able to quite reach my goal. So instead of devoting my life to this, I’ve decided to just pretend. This real-life-looking rhino head adorns my wall and all my friends are so impressed with my hunting abilities. Want to impress your date? Grab one of these, they’re selling quick.

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did!