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Thursday, September 27, 2012

The leaves aren't changing yet :(

Sometimes I get confused. Sometimes I think the class time starts a lot early than it actually does. Sometimes I sit outside my class for 20 minutes just waiting. Haha. That is definitely what I am doing this morning.

It's been a weird week. I think the humidity is messing with the clarity of my mind. Yes, it's been super humid, which means bad hair. PLUS, over the weekend we had beautiful fall weather, then it jumped back into the 90s and I was not prepared. At all.

Anyways, I am totally rambling and as a (pretend) blogger I feel like that's a big no no. So. FALL. That is what I want to talk about. No, not falling and tripping (which I've been doing a lot of), but the season. It's definitely my favorite time of year. At least it is right now. I finally tried a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte this morning so I feel like I am officially in fall. It was so good!! Now I understand why people talk about it all the time! I also bought stuff yesterday to make pumpkin butter. Yay! I've never made it before. And to be honest, I'm not even sure exactly what you do with it. But I saw the picture on Pinterest and I couldn't pass it up. I've been dying to branch out and start baking some new things and fall is the perfect time for that. Apple pies and pumpkin things. Hooray! After my recital I really will be baking (and eating) things all the time. I unfortunately have to stay focused until the 15th though. But then I'll share some recipes, woohoo!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

This is the highlight of my day:



Yep! Gummy worms! I entered this certain food establishment planning to get just a bottle of juice to accompany my homemade sandwich, but I was surprised by candy. I literally gasped and said aloud "gummy worms!" I hadn't been into this place since it was renovated and I had no idea that there is now a bulk candy section. And I feel like it probably would have been best if I had remained clueless. They have jelly beans, and chocolate, and even milkshakes! Obviously the milkshakes aren't in the candy section. I just love the little things that make a day great.

Plus, it was my day of seeing almost everyone I know (and even meeting new people) on campus. Nothing makes a Monday swell like getting to talk to peeps and eat candy. Hooray. Tomorrow is Tuesday, my first day of class in the week :( But I'm not staying up late to do homework because it's done! Good for me I guess, haha.

The recital countdown is on!! Exactly 3 weeks from this moment I will have performed my final Baylor recital and will be almost ready for graduation. Cra-cray! I'm feeling little twinges of stress as I write this, but mostly I am excited. Poster pictures are taken, now I just have to design them and get them printed!! My recital hearing should be soon, and then it's just party planning for the reception! And of course lots and lots of practicing, duh. 'Night!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Musings

So like I said, I am working on discipline. And of course this week has just completely slipped through my fingers. So I didn't post like I planned to! Haha. I had an awesome conversation tonight with a friend that got me thinking about life. I've taken to walking with friends at night, it's really a great way to hang out and it's free and fun. Tonight we had to run from some sprinklers and I kept having to dodge moths and crickets.

Anyways. Life. There are two things in my life that sometimes almost paralyze me: fear and perfectionism. Actually, they kind of are the same thing. And I feel like its a universal feeling too. I tell myself that I want to live the best life I can live. I'll be disciplined, productive, have deep relationships with lots of people, I'll take care of myself and learn to be an outgoing person. I'll grow my relationship with Christ and have it all together all the time. And these are all good things. But there's a problem that I too often run into. Life is messy and I'm not anywhere near perfect. So I spend my time doing little reformations in my life and thinking about how my life can be the best. I mean, reform is good. Sanctification is completely vital. But I focus way too much on how to improve my life instead of how to live it right now as it is, mess and all.

Take my future plans for example. I'm looking at several different options of what to do after I graduate. I am terrified of making the wrong choice or a bad choice or doing something that will ruin the rest of my life (that last one especially marks a lack of faith). And it's affecting how I live right now because I'm trying to figure out the perfect way to prepare for next year. Do I do this or that, or what if I decide I want to do X at the last minute, how can I prep for that? Okay, I'm starting to go too deep into my issues.

Point is, what my friend says is right. I am a new creation and creation is meant to live. Jesus came for me to have an abundant life. Right now. As I am. I'll make mistakes, do stupid things, sometimes get it right. But if I don't live right now to love and serve Him, my life is more wasted than if I have to take the long route to where I'm going. So. Live! Pray for guidance, soak up God's word, and live boldly. And hold me accountable for doing the same.

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Artistic Life

I came into senior year truly thinking that I had stuff mostly figured out. I knew who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, and had this beautiful (and might I add boring) picture of what this year would be like. Haha, if you ever catch yourself thinking those kinds of things, brace yourself! Life is much more interesting than you ever think it will be, and I think that God likes surprises. And I am so glad. While I hate waiting, and I don't like not knowing what's going on, and I especially have a hard time not being in control, if my life actually followed the ideal picture in my head, I would miss out on so much!

I'm a month into this last year of college and it's been (for lack of a better word) crazy. I dropped a class the first week of school, which means I am taking the minimum 12 hours. I planned to not accompany much, but have thrown that plan out the window because I've realized just how much I love playing with people! I need to keep the little bit of sanity that I have and always only practicing my own music by myself is the quickest way to start losing it :)


I also went from car-driving fiend ("I am such a good driver!"), to a bus-taking, walking-to-class hipster because I was in a wreck. It's a little frustrating to have to get a ride everywhere, and sometimes I feel trapped in my condo, but it's been getting cooler and my walks in the morning are always quite peaceful. I just crank up the ne-yo and neon trees in my earphones and I'm good to go, sometimes I dance-walk a little when no one's around.


My biggest realization of the semester though, is how terribly much I fit into the stereotype of an "artist". I've spent my whole college career trying to maintain a little normalcy in my life so that I could say that I'm not like most music majors. I love music majors and all, I was just trying to avoid the label of it. Welllll. My summer put me over the edge and I will now confidently say that I am a musician. Someone the other day was apologizing for being a little crazy, then said "oh wait, you're a music major, so you're really crazy, it's all good." Haha, I could do nothing but laugh and assure him that I try to hide it at first, but yes I'm crazy. I'll sing whatever I'm thinking, I'll spaz out and start daydreaming in the middle of a conversation, I don't sit still, and sometimes I just laugh at everything. (I LOVE anti-jokes) I'll talk about classical music all day if there's someone to listen (and even when there's not). An unsuspecting person asked me a music question yesterday and I started talking super fast and probably gave way too much information, but it was a happy moment for me. I also lack discipline and am a little (ok maybe a lot) unorganized. Someone today sent me an article on how to be disciplined as an artist, I'm a little scared but I know I NEED to read and apply it. Fortunately I live with people who accepted my craziness long before I did. And sometimes they serve as a buffer for things ;)


I'm also working on the best way to do this blog. My scatter-brained-ness means sometimes I just neglect this. But I've been given some ideas that I will hopefully be implementing soon!! Yippee!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Laughing

Today I made a lot of joyful laughing noises. It was one of those days where you just laugh at yourself a lot. It was a super day, but I feel like it could have been a comedy show. I probably won't do justice to the humor in this post, but I'll do my best.

The morning started off badly with two almost dead bugs in the kitchen that I had to deal with. One upside-down cockroach with wiggling legs, and one cricket that may or may not have been dead (I smashed it just in case). Gross. And then I had to eat breakfast. Ah well, that's what happens when you live with someone who won't touch the bugs and just leaves them lying there :) I then proceeded to leave the house without an umbrella. At the time, I did not realize that that was going to cause a problem. ha. ha. ha. How little I knew.

I enjoyed a cancelled class this morning, which really kicked off my day nicely. That meant I sat in class merely 3 times this week! Oh the joys of senior year! I was a good little girl and spent the morning in the practice room...sorta. I went to get coffee and ended up staying and talking to a friend and that cut out a good chunk of the time I had alloted to practice. By then, the clouds were rolling in and I had to face the fact that I was probably going to get really wet by the end of the day. That time came after lunch when I had to go to the library. It was POURING. Really really pouring. Maddie graciously offered to walk me over to the library and let me share her umbrella. After making sure she would get major roomie points and one of the scones I was going to bake. Haha, with how hard it was raining, the umbrella only kept about a quarter of each of us dry. We also had to cross a flooded street. Somehow, water does not drain on campus and the one street we had to cross had literally become a river. There was no way around it. So we jumped/waded across the current and almost collapsed from laughing. We made it to the library and took a video to commemorate the situtation:



I rounded out the day with a class and a rehearsal. Drinking coffee before class always makes for an interesting experience. I really should steer clear of that. The caffeine just gives me jitters and makes me prone to laugh out loud at the comments of my neighbors. Not the best thing in a class of 8. I also learned the valuable life lesson of "look before you sit". Yes, yes I sat down at the piano and someone had moved the bench WAY far back and I missed it. I did catch the edge of it though and I have a nice little bruise on my rear. So the screams from the practice room were just me, no one was getting killed. I'm home safe now - thank goodness! I made my scones and while I almost burned them, they really turned out perfect. I did have to vacuum in addition to cleaning the counters - I made quite the mess. Now to tackle dinner...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Perspective

It's amazing what two days can do for my perspective. I always go into the weekend worn out and drained, so by Monday I am usually felling better. Yesterday I had to take a test for my piano literature class, but after that was over, I was home free! The joy of no class on Monday is not homework on Sunday!! So today was wonderful. I got up and walked to campus because it was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MORNING. It was chilly and a breezy and sunny. So amazing. The only small hiccup in my day was the cricket in my practice room. How dare him! I wanted to peek out into the hallway and see if there was anyone who would come and smash him, but I just let him crawl away. ick. He didn't jump on me so I let him live.

I spent most of the day practicing and preparing for my piano lesson this evening. I am playing the most amazing sonata ever! But it's going to be the death of me. There is so much depth and detail in the music and I am struggling so much with it. It's a piece by Nikolai Medtner, a Russian 20th-century composer. I absolutely LOVE music from that time period and that area of the world. But it is SO complex! And since I don't understand the culture, there is much to be learnt from the music. The mood, the character, the feeling, the humor and the intensity all have to be understood in a certain context. And I am blessed to be taking from a teacher who gets it and helps me understand. This evening she was telling me how a student she taught this summer who was from a communist country was able to understand the piece so much easier. Well, I am obviously not from that part of the world, so I have a lot more learning to do. But it's good! And I enjoy it so much. My lessons always stress me out a lot, but sometimes I feel like they're worth it. (sometimes)

I also ran tonight! I am loving my new shoes! Though I'm getting a blister on the arch of my foot :( But that's normal I guess, so I'll get over it. I accidentally ran my first mile at 8:33, which was TOO fast, but finished the second mile at 18:20. So the second mile was almost 10 minutes. Pacing is something I should maybe work on? Also! My shoes are Adidas, which RGIII represents! So I feel like a real Baylor girl getting me some Adidas gear. But yeah, they're gonna be good. Hopefully all my shin issues will continue to go away - I think not running too fast will help that also. I'm finishing off the night in the kitchen with my roomies. After watching the premier of The Voice, we put on the Train Pandora station and I baked cookie bars for our MC tomorrow night. I have awesome roommates who will dance to the music with me as I stir the cookie dough :)I'd lie if I said I wasn't anxious about the start of all the Church stuff. I tell ya, this year really is stretching my people skills. So tomorrow as a co-leader of this group, I will be welcoming and meeting a bunch of new people! But that's tomorrow, I've gotta squeeze the last little bit of life out of this day!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

When Life is Out of My Control

Well guys, after my unintentional month long break from blogging, I have decided to come back! Life is a little topsy turvy right now, so pardon my sometimes heavy, sometimes confusing posts that I'm sure will come. First off, I'm a senior. And it's scary. My rock-solid plan is starting to fall through and my "12 hrs is easy!" semester is quickly getting filled up! I came into this year wanting to spend my time really building relationships and friendships, and I'm doing a bad job. To the people I've blown off already or those that I haven't quite been super friendly to: I'm sorry! All that to say, I am super pumped about this year. God is at work - in my life, in the lives of my friends, and all around - and that brings a smile to my face no matter what my day holds. Not to say I haven't had any breakdowns already, but at least I'm living life to the fullest - I'm sure feeling ALL the emotions.

In addition to school I am taking an active part in my Church this year and I am sooo excited. I'm having the opportunity to invest in people and also be discipled by older/wiser people. I'm also joining the worship band!! I'll be playing keyboard occasionally during college hour. I feel rather unqualified and not cool enough, but I'm secretly really excited :) Also somehow I feel like so many people are all of a sudden crossing paths with me - and I love it! I've had the chance to meet a bunch of new freshmen and I'm also being able to spend more time with people I've known for a while but never really got to spend time with. I just want to give up school and hang out with people! So this year will be about learning to be a people person - learning how to talk and carry a conversation ;) , remembering to text/talk to people, going all-in for relationships. That last one is hard. Too often I worry that people don't actually like me, so I stay guarded and awkward. But someone once told me that if you never feel pain you aren't loving well. So here's to loving well!

I'm also going back in time to when I didn't have a car. The wonderful vehicle that I was given in February is sitting right now in a wrecker lot. I was hit a couple weeks ago and my car had to be towed, there was no way I was driving it home. Thankfully no one was injured! But my poor car will probably never be driven again. Considering it's worth $500, we're pretty sure the insurance will total it when they finally get their act together and take care of my claim. So for now I am car-less and am having the joy of asking people for rides all the time. I went to clean my bike today and start using it, but my tires don't hold air anymore. FIGURES! haha, at least it cooled off somewhat this weekend so that walking is more enjoyable.

So! Senior year has started out with a bang! It's been fun - dancing, movies, climbing on bridges, great conversations, lots of froyo. And it's been crazy - car wrecks, forgetting assignments, unintentionally ignoring people, and firefox crashing about 20 times. Also much running! My goals are a 10k at thanksgiving and a half marathon in March! There's no stress reliever like pounding the pavement. So here goes a life-changing year!