Musings

So like I said, I am working on discipline. And of course this week has just completely slipped through my fingers. So I didn't post like I planned to! Haha. I had an awesome conversation tonight with a friend that got me thinking about life. I've taken to walking with friends at night, it's really a great way to hang out and it's free and fun. Tonight we had to run from some sprinklers and I kept having to dodge moths and crickets.

Anyways. Life. There are two things in my life that sometimes almost paralyze me: fear and perfectionism. Actually, they kind of are the same thing. And I feel like its a universal feeling too. I tell myself that I want to live the best life I can live. I'll be disciplined, productive, have deep relationships with lots of people, I'll take care of myself and learn to be an outgoing person. I'll grow my relationship with Christ and have it all together all the time. And these are all good things. But there's a problem that I too often run into. Life is messy and I'm not anywhere near perfect. So I spend my time doing little reformations in my life and thinking about how my life can be the best. I mean, reform is good. Sanctification is completely vital. But I focus way too much on how to improve my life instead of how to live it right now as it is, mess and all.

Take my future plans for example. I'm looking at several different options of what to do after I graduate. I am terrified of making the wrong choice or a bad choice or doing something that will ruin the rest of my life (that last one especially marks a lack of faith). And it's affecting how I live right now because I'm trying to figure out the perfect way to prepare for next year. Do I do this or that, or what if I decide I want to do X at the last minute, how can I prep for that? Okay, I'm starting to go too deep into my issues.

Point is, what my friend says is right. I am a new creation and creation is meant to live. Jesus came for me to have an abundant life. Right now. As I am. I'll make mistakes, do stupid things, sometimes get it right. But if I don't live right now to love and serve Him, my life is more wasted than if I have to take the long route to where I'm going. So. Live! Pray for guidance, soak up God's word, and live boldly. And hold me accountable for doing the same.